Grateful and Hateful
Sometimes I just feel like running away from my family and living independently on my own.
But then who is going to support them?
Is it my responsibility to take care of them just like they did when I was younger?
Sometimes this weird thought comes to my mind that it was my parent's decision to give me birth and I didn’t tell them to make so many sacrifices for me, so why should I live for them and sacrifice my life for them?
And you might be shocked to read this but once upon a time in college I got this weird thought:
If all my family, parents and younger brother, died in a car accident then I can live freely in the wilderness with no responsibility or obligation to anyone. I would live the life how I wanted.
Now that I am more mature I don't get such thoughts nor am I ashamed of getting that thought years ago.
And sometimes I feel so blessed to have them as my parents, so grateful for giving me this wonderful thing called Life, for everything they have done for me. So now it's my turn to do the same for them.
I am split and confused.